“Remember, There Is Always Someone Worse off Than You:” Is This A Valid Coping Mechanism?

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We’ve all heard this platitude before, but I have some questions about it.

After all, isn’t it a perversion of human decency to use another person’s suffering to improve our own outlook? Shouldn’t the acknowledgment that others are suffering make us feel worse, not better? Does it demonstrate a lack of compassion that we psychologically benefit from recognizing the distress of others?

No, no, and no.

The use of this coping mechanism does not indicate a lack of compassion or empathy. Quite the opposite. Empathy is almost certainly extended to the person or persons being held up for comparison. This isn’t about cruelty. This is about recalibrating one's perspective.

To the extent that considering less fortunate people motivates us to think more clearly and optimistically about our situation, then this coping mechanism is valid. It probably shouldn’t be your primary coping mechanism, and definitely shouldn’t be your only coping mechanism. But, if you can use the situations of others to improve your own perspective on life, without hurting anyone else’s feelings, then it’s a good thing.

I know it works for me. I’m in a pretty bad way, but as I observe other people with severe illnesses or in dire circumstances, I often take solace in the fact that I enjoy many advantages over them. I know that sounds awful, but it isn’t. I’m simply recalibrating my perspective so as to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Let me turn the tables a little bit. Since I’m dealing with some nasty health issues, presumably with some degree of fortitude, I am aware that people may look at my situation and take solace in the fact that they are not as bad off as me. How do I feel about that?
Go for it. I certainly don’t begrudge anyone the comfort they may experience by comparing their challenges to mine.

Taking this concept one step further, if I were to find out today that I was going to die tomorrow, a big part of my coping mechanism would be to look back on how fortunate my life has been compared to the lives of others. I might say, “I enjoyed a better life than 99% of the people who ever lived before me.”

This has got me thinking. If I had 24 hours notice of my imminent demise, in addition to reflecting on a life well lived, I would also complete the following tasks, without delay:

• clear my browser history.
• show Kim where the money is stashed and how to pay the bills.
• make an appointment at the crematorium.
• write a short "afterward" to my finished but yet unpublished memoir and then upload the book to Amazon, so that I could die a published author.
• eat an entire chocolate cake and wash it down with chocolate milk (whole, not skim).
• change my Facebook status, to make it official.

Just a Couple of Things…

Made Another “Best Blogs” List

A company called MyTherapy, which makes a smart phone app that helps patients track their medications, recently compiled their list of 15 Excellent MS Blogs, and Enjoying the Ride made the cut. Check it out — and congratulations to the others who were mentioned.

A Programmer in the UK Comes to My Rescue 

I’ve developed a problem with mousing. Until recently, I could operate the right-click and left click buttons on my computer mouse. Lately, however, when my brain sends the command for either my index finger or my middle finger to click the appropriate mouse button, both fingers respond and both buttons are depressed. This tends to screw things up.

I can use my voice recognition system, Dragon NaturallySpeaking, to accomplish mouse clicks, but that has its drawbacks, primarily that I’m not always alone at my computer, and a constant cadence of "mouse click” and “mouse right click” could drive Kim insane. Since I use the right button so much less than the left, I looked for a program that would allow me to disable my right mouse button, but keep my left one active. I would then use Dragon NaturallySpeaking just for the right-click function.

I found what looked like a great program online. It’s shareware, meaning the developer charges no money for it. The program is called X-Mouse Button Control. Sure enough, there was an option to disable the mouse’s right button, and I selected it (by left clicking on it, ironically). Then I tested. When I clicked the right button, nothing happened. Excellent. However, when I gave the “mouse right click” command through Dragon, nothing happened either. Damn.

So, I wrote to the application developer, Phil, who lives in the UK, and asked if he could change his program so that I could accomplish my goal. Within a few minutes, he responded that he would give it a try. The next day, he reported that the changes had been made. It worked perfectly. I can now control my left button with my index finger and my right button with my voice, and it doesn’t matter what I do with my middle finger that rests on the right mouse button.

It’s refreshing to have a perfect stranger, from halfway around the world, respond so enthusiastically to a request like mine. Although this is shareware, it comes with a “donate” button, and donate I did.

Thanks, Phil.

Making My Bed

So, you think making your bed is a pain in the ass? Try making my bed (I suggest using the full-screen button on the bottom right of the video):

If you don't see the video above, click here to watch it on YouTube.

The blue inflatables can be found here. 
The brown inflatable can be found here.

500th Blog Post

Yep, this is the big five–oh–oh. I’ve been doing this for eight years now, since I stopped working in the summer of 2009.

That first year, I spit out 86 posts, 39 of which were autobiographical and entitled “My MS Story Chapter (one through 39).” That was also the year I started writing about CCSVI, the controversial vein-opening procedure for MS. With the CCSVI posts, I began to gather a significant number of readers, and my growth has only accelerated since then. I can’t count the number of deep friendships and important contacts that have resulted from this blog.

So, a big thank you to all who have stopped by over the years to read my little musings. Any positivity and good feelings I may have inspired with my writing, you folks have returned to me tenfold.

Here’s to the next 500 posts!