The Art of Peeing in Bed (on Purpose)

As significantly disabled people go, I am the exception. My bladder still works. To take advantage of that, however, requires ingenuity.

During the day, I pee into little containers and empty them into the nearest toilet. Straightforward stuff. But liquids have this unfortunate tendency to flow downhill, and that presents a challenge when I’m lying down in bed.

When it became too difficult for me to sit up in bed and use a container, much like I do in my wheelchair, the difficulties began. For a few years, I had the strength and dexterity to roll over on my side. Once I’m on my side, there’s room for the container, and everything flows downhill. Piece of cake.

As my disease progressed, it became too difficult for me to roll myself over, so I had to wake Kim to assist me. Not straightforward. Not a piece of cake. This interrupted Kim’s sleep, one or two times per night, and it was an imperfect process. She had to roll me over and stick a pillow behind me before I rolled back. Our success rate was less than 100%.

This is where ingenuity came into play. As I searched the internet for a better device for Kim to stick behind me after rolling me over, I happened upon this inflatable pillow:

This product is typically placed between the mattress and box spring, and is used to elevate the head of someone's bed. Here is the description:

The Contour Products Mattress Genie Bed Wedge is an adjustable alternative to foam bed wedges, and an affordable alternative to hospital beds. With just the touch of a button on the hand held remote control, you can raise the head of your bed up to 26" high. When not in use, simply press "flat" and the air bladder will disappear from view, eliminating the issue of storage for a bulky foam bed wedge. 

I began to wonder. What if I turned this pillow lengthwise and laid it underneath one side of my fitted sheet? Because it inflates and deflates rapidly, could it serve the function of rolling me over in bed so I could pee in the middle of the night without Kim’s assistance?

I ordered the device, and we tried it out. It worked—spectacularly. Kim and I both sleep better. I no longer need to dehydrate myself in the evening. I had begun to fear that, although my bladder function is near-normal, I would have to resort to intrusive devices simply because liquids like to flow downhill. Now, I’ve put that thought off for a while longer.

Yes, I realize this example is more evidence of how much simpler men’s lives are than women’s, even in the disabled community.

Although I couldn’t avoid the words pee, bladder, and toilet in this blog post, I didn’t use any unpleasant words like penis, urine, urinal, catheter, or New York  Yankees. You’re welcome.